Her Love Ran Crimson (Crimson Series) Read online

  He doesn’t even look out of breath. I feel completely inadequate. I am slowing him down.

  “I’m good. I just need a small break. Go on and I’ll catch up.” My hands are shooing him along. Now that breathing is becoming easier, I stand up straight and begin to stretch out my side. As I reach my hands above my head my shirt lifts, breaking the contact with my pants and shows a little of my stomach.

  ”Nice,” Jase says.

  Looking over at him I see him looking at the small patch of skin on display. I look down and see that my tattoos on each side of my hip bones are showing. I quickly put my hands down and try to cover them back up. Nobody knows about my tattoos. I am getting increasingly self-conscious by the second now that he has seen something I have never shown anybody. I briskly walk by him and make a little joke. “Come on. Catch up already, slow poke.” I try to get as far as possible in front of him. I hear his shoes on the gravel crunching and catching up to me quickly.

  “Wait up. Did I miss something? You have tattoos?”

  Now it’s getting beyond uncomfortable. I don’t like to talk about my tattoos. Hell, I don’t even let anybody other than Mark know they exist. This is uncharted territory for me. Trying to ignore the burning eyes that are glaring at me with curiosity, I continue up the trail.

  “Why don’t you want to talk about them? I think they’re awesome. I want a bunch myself. I’m just not for sure on what I want to mark my body with for the rest of my life. I want some though.”

  Now I am intrigued. I stop dead in my tracks and turn to face him, not knowing what to say next. Looking him over from head to toe, he looks too proper to want to be covered in ink. He just oozes of good preppy boy. I’m sure his parents wouldn’t like him to mark up his whole body. He just seems like the type who lets his parents control him. I can’t help the smile that slowly creeps up on my lips. Maybe I am getting ahead of myself thinking he isn’t like all the others. I would though love to see where he wants his first tat

  “Come on, I thought you were taking me rock climbing.”

  “Okay, but we will get to the bottom of these tattoos sometime.”

  He pulls off his thermal long sleeve charcoal gray body hugging shirt. I stop dead in my tracks, unable to move or speak. He is left only wearing a black tank top that expose his huge arms. I am mesmerized by the sight in front of me. It feels like all the air has been sucked out of my lungs. The burning feeling in my chest reminds me to take a much needed breath. I’m trying to control the urge to reach out and trace my fingers along the lines of his chiseled abs. The closer I let Jase get to me, the more exposed the feelings become that he creates in me. It feels like lightning bolts striking my heart over and over.

  When I catch his glance, we stand there for a moment gazing into each other’s eyes. I am in a trance. My brain is protesting the feelings, but my body defies it. We are face to face with our toes touching. I lick my bottom lip anticipating the moment when we might kiss. He leans in and his breath is now tickling my lips. Just when I think this is it I am suddenly brought down from my high.

  “Coming through,” a runner yells out while he runs around us.

  My face instantly heats. I’m embarrassed that I almost let this happen. I don’t know how that line just almost got crossed. Backing away quickly, I look down at the ground unsure how to act now.

  “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have tried to do that. It won’t happen again,” he says with a frustrated sigh.

  “No, um, really it was my fault. I’m sorry. How about we get to this rock climbing stuff?” I say as I slide my foot back and forth in the dirt, trying my hardest not to make eye contact with him.

  We continue our walk on the trail until we end up at the spot where Jase has picked for us to climb. When we arrive, I look at the rocks. Most of them are smooth and beautiful earth-toned colors. I can feel the panic rise in my chest when I glance over and see a couple jagged ones that seem like they would hurt and leave permanent marks on my body if I fell down onto them. My breaths are coming in short and quick as I fixate on the rocks. I am picturing myself falling to my death. This is not how I pictured dying.

  I am fighting the urge to flee. This is all a lot to take in. I’m not sure I have made the right decision agreeing to this. I start to get dizzy and bits and pieces of unknown memories are flashing in my head. It’s not clear to me when they are from. The sensation has a hold on me though. Something to do with this place is stirring up visions in my head. Flashes of brush, rocks, and what I think is a cave type of hideout are rigorously running through my mind. I feel like I am watching an old movie reel. The scenes are not playing smoothly. I can’t quite put together what it all means and why this is happening today out of all days.

  “Maddie, you with me? You okay?” Jase whispers in my ear.

  His voice causes me to jump back defensively. It took me a moment to remember where I was. I relax when I see him come into focus as my vision clears up. I don’t know when he became my comfort in troubling times, but I was grateful nonetheless.

  “Sorry. I’m ready. Show me what to do.” I say still regaining my composure and sizing up the huge boulders in front of me. I can’t believe I am going to do this. What was I thinking?

  After some instructions and demonstrations of where to grab onto and where to put my feet we are ready to start the climb. Despite my earlier misgivings, I now find I’m a little disappointed that we are not doing the big climbs with the ropes and harnesses. I might have liked to feel his strong arms around me while he got me set up into the harnesses and pulled tight around my body making me feel extra safe, but that still doesn’t stop the tingling feeling I have all over from him placing his hands on me when he shows me where to grab the rocks. I feel his strong chest press up against me. I almost faint when he grips my leg showing me where to place it. I nod, pretending I hear all of his instructions, but really I can only focus on the places still lingering with his touch.

  The first step was the scariest. The second wasn’t as scary and by the time I was getting up higher it was mind blowing. I was doing it. With Jase not far behind me I finally got to the top of the rocks. I stand at the top and am in awe of the view we have from up here. It was utterly breathtaking. I see miles and miles of rolling hills, lush and green. You can almost make out the ocean on the other side of the mountains. There isn’t a cloud in the sky and the air is so fresh that it feels so smooth when you breathe it in. There are not many words to describe how I was feeling up here. Euphoric seems the best. I did it.

  Not long after I got a second to myself to take in everything Jase was up here with me. I’m sure he knows how incredible this moment is for me, so he keeps his distance and gives me a moment. After the initial awe of the view wears off I look over at Jase. I was unable to hide the satisfied grin on my face. I didn’t have to say anything. The excitement on my face spoke volumes. He was a part of a pivotal moment in my life, and not out of coincidence, but because he wants to be. Even when I am long gone from this city, I will always remember this one moment and will cherish Jase who made this possible. I will forever be grateful for this day.

  “You did it. It wasn’t so bad getting up here now was it? I just knew this was something you had to see from up here. I’m so glad you decided to come,” he says while I am admiring the vast valley underneath us,

  “This is amazing! I’ve never seen anything like this. Thanks for convincing me.” I catch a look in his eyes and it sends chills all the way down to my core. I break my private moment by saying, “So how do we get down?” There is nothing I want more than to stay up here with Jase, but I am scared Frank will call me and I don’t want anything to ruin this for me. I want to remember this time here, with nothing being able to kill the magic.

  “The same way we came up. I’ll go first. Just follow my lead and the rocks I use. You’re safe with me. Do you trust me?” he asks extending his hand to me.

  All I can do is nod in response and take his hand letting him lead me to where we
will start to descend back down to my reality. My misery. I don’t want to leave.

  Chapter Eight

  I never knew how incredibly sore I would be after the climb. I used muscles I never knew I had. It is hard to even carry my backpack, so instead I make sure to run by my locker and drop off my backpack and just take my book and folder for each class.

  Jase has only texted me once since Saturday’s rock climb. Maybe it’s for the best, but it makes me uneasy and self-conscious. I wonder if I did or said something wrong. The way my heart races and the way I can’t say no is exactly what I don’t need. There is a stab of disappointment in not seeing him so far today.

  I am used to the others at school looking at me with hate and pure disgust. I often see them whispering to each other and pointing when I walk by. It was hard at first. I wanted to run and hide. I wanted to disappear and never come back to this school. The threats Frank makes are the only reason I am still here. He makes sure I am too scared to leave. He makes it clear every day that I can never run far enough away to escape him. He will always be watching me. The dirty looks and whispers have subsided mostly. It isn’t such an issue for me anymore, but it is starting up again. I might have to cut out of school early. I don’t have the energy to go through this again. I thought I was past this.

  I walk to my locker so I can grab my stuff to get out of here. I pass by some girls who are talking. I overhear their conversation as I take my time getting my stuff.

  “I heard he actually took her out this weekend. Like in public. He just killed his rep here,” one of the girls, Rebecca, said to her friend.

  Rebecca and I had been friends until she turned her back on me when all the shit happened to me. She has been the one spreading all the crap about me and participating in the bullying I have been going through. Since she knows me on a very personal level, she knows things were bad for me. She is using things only she knows about me to ruin me. I don’t understand why she is doing this to me. It hurts a little bit deeper. I know it shouldn’t because I should expect this from her now. I just want to disappear and not exist here anymore. I want to be able to walk around without the whispers and snickers. I guess I should feel lucky they aren’t tripping and shoulder bumping me anymore. I still occasionally get a hateful note on my locker or car window, but that’s mild in comparison to how it was right after.

  I try my hardest to rise above it, but I can’t seem to shake it. I slam my locker door shut causing the bitches to jump and head for the front doors of the school to get out of here. I need to get away. It hurts knowing I am bringing Jase down with me. I know what I have to do even if it breaks my heart. I have to stop hanging out with him. I can’t be seen around the halls with him, or any place for that matter.

  While I am passing the offices I stop dead in my tracks. I see Phillip Becker, the D.A. who dropped my mom’s case saying there wasn’t enough evidence to prove Frank and Dixon were the cause of her death. He let them walk. I know he is on Frank’s payroll. I can’t think of any reason he would be here. I haven’t heard about anything happening at school, but on the other hand I am disconnected with what goes on here being the social scum of the school. I must have lingered a little too long because as soon as he finishes up in the office he notices me staring. This is when it starts to get awkward. We are having a whole conversation with just our eyes. I know he knows who I am. I have seen him many times in my house, but have never spoken a word to his corrupt sorry excuse of a person who is supposed to seek justice for the ones whose lives have been blown to pieces by acts of violence. There is something in his eyes that is incredibly familiar, but I can’t place it for the life of me. I shake off the eerie feeling and take off to my car.

  Once I am in the safety of my car, I take a deep breath and think about what I have to do to stop whatever this is between Jase and I now before things get more confusing between us. I will be leaving in a few months and now is better than when I am deeper in. I don’t have room for distractions. I need to focus on the plan and make sure I execute it correctly. One wrong move and I could meet the same fate as my mom. What happened and how ugly I am inside will never come out. I can never let Jase know about any of this. I would rather leave with him clueless than knowing the truth about me.

  Pulling out of the parking lot, I pass Jase while he is driving in. I try hard to not to look his way, but it’s pointless. He holds up his finger signaling for me to wait up, but I can’t. I need to get away. I feel bad, but I drive off anyway. I remind myself that I am doing it for him. He doesn’t need me.

  I go to the public library because it really is a great place to hide. While I am taking a seat at the table in the back my phone vibrates signaling a text message. It’s Jase. It was only a matter of time. The question is, do I look or do I just ignore it? Curiosity gets the better of me, so I open up the message.

  Jase: Where did you take off to?

  Me: Just had some things to take care of.

  Jase: Things during school? I don’t believe that.

  Me: Yes, during school. Gotta go.

  Jase: Are you avoiding me?

  Me: No, why would you think that?

  Jase: I don’t know, maybe you speeding off after I asked you to wait a minute. Did I do

  something wrong?

  Me: No, you didn’t do anything wrong. You’ll understand by the end of school today.

  Gotta go.”

  Jase: Wait, what does that mean?

  I decide not to answer him. Angry, I throw my phone in my bag. A tear falls down my cheek. Why does it feel like everything I want is ruined by Frank and his shit? I can’t have a normal life because of him. I lost my mom and am slowly beginning to lose hope in getting out of here alive. I am becoming numb. I am an empty shell of the person I used to be.

  After some reading and writing that I force myself to do, I give up on my quiet time. I decide to go home and take a nap. I think I just need to sleep this day away and start a new horrible day tomorrow.

  Once I arrive at my house and park my car, I walk up to the door and notice flowers sitting on my porch. Confused as all hell I pick them up and see a small envelope in the middle addressed to me. I look around to see if anybody is around. I don’t know who would leave me anything. The neighborhood is quiet, as always. I carefully open the envelope and read the tiny card inside.

  I don’t care what they say, I enjoy hanging out with you and want to do it again. Don’t give up on us just yet.

  Jase

  Instant tears fill my eyes. I can’t drag him down. He will only lose in the end. I will not be the cause of destroying another life. My mom was more than enough to lose. I will not be responsible for another life lost.

  I have so much on my mind. How did Jase get my address? I have never given it to him. I never let him get this close to Frank for his own protection. Also, I wonder again what was Phillip Becker doing at my school? I never thought I would see him again. I don’t think the hate I have for him will ever go away. It’s just as deep as the first time I met him when he said there was no evidence to pin Frank and Dixon to my mom’s death.

  I know all the ins and outs in this life and I know when having to keep someone away is necessary. Believe me, they have taught me to make sure I never get caught while I am running product for them. I know it goes a lot further than that. I am completely terrified that I am going get caught and go to jail for doing this, but I’m scared for my life to defy Frank. I know he will make good on his threats to end me. He is all about the gain. He has no feelings, no heart and could care less about anybody else in this world.

  You can say that receiving flowers should be a great moment in a girl’s life. She should feel special and wanted. I do feel a little warm and fuzzy inside, but that gets derailed when I think of the danger Jase is being put into. If this were a different time or place it would be wanted.

  I need to text Jase and thank him. I want to call him, but hearing his voice will only make me cave and I have to be strong and not give
into the feelings he brings out in me. It’s for the best. So texting is the best way for me. I also want to know how he got my address. I bring the flowers into my room and put them on my dresser. I dig out my phone from my purse.

  Me: Thanks for the flowers. They are beautiful. You really shouldn’t have. How did you

  get my address?

  I am pacing my room while I await his response. I must be wearing down the small patch of carpet my feet keep brushing over. Finally, I hear the text chime.

  Jase: You’re welcome. I need to see you. We need to talk about school. Your address? I

  have my ways.

  Me: I don’t think it’s a good idea to be seen with each other. I don’t need you caught up

  in stuff. See ya around.

  Jase: Come on. It’s not a big deal to me if it isn’t to you.

  Me: That’s the thing, it’s a huge deal. It could ruin my plans. I have to get out of this

  place. It’s not for me.

  Jase: Don’t do this, please. I thought we were having fun.

  I can’t keep going with this conversation anymore. It’s making me sad and I want to keep talking to him. Ending things between us now is the best for him. I never have a chance to do things that are the best for me. In a way, I am envious of his carefree way of life. I know he has some things going on in his life. I see it in his eyes when I ask him certain questions. I see the pain in his eyes. I want to know what is going on in his life to make the hurt flash through his eyes. I have no right though. I won’t even share the tiniest details of my life with him. The problem is I want to know more and that’s why I need to stay away.

  I lie down on my bed with my phone next to me, hoping Jase will text me again. Is it so bad that I want somebody to fight for me? For my attention and friendship? I wish he would just text me, but he hasn’t yet and I don’t think he will.

  Sometime after one in the morning I am awakened by an alert on my phone. Groggily, I check it. It’s a message from Jase. I rub my eyes quickly to be able to see the message. I instantly blush when I read the message he has sent me.